Getting Your Way the Right Way

As a professional in the work environment, or a person in your day to day life, do circumstances work out in your favor? How do you go about getting what you want? We all want decisions to go in our favor. We want people to agree with us.

This article is not about getting what you want. Nor is it about persuading people to do as you want them to. I am not going to give you techniques to always win. I may touch on those things in a future article, but for now I have a more important topic. This topic is a governor for those other items.

True personal development is not win at all cost, beat the opponent, and scratch and fight to the top of the heap. Getting to the top should not leave casualties in our wake. True personal development puts personal growth before professional growth, because personal growth is the foundation upon which our careers will be built. You can be a tough negotiator, strong opponent, and aggressive personality and still be known as an honest, caring, and friendly person. Consider these 3 points before digging in your heals at work or at home:

Is what you want the best in the situation?

Believe it or not, you are better off not getting your way when you are right than you are if you get your way when you are wrong. Let me explain. When you are right and you don’t get your way, you’re vindicated in the end at least to yourself if no one else. On the other hand, if you get your way and you are wrong then everyone knows you were wrong. In a business situation you may not always get credit for being right, but you will likely always be remembered for being wrong, especially if you fight for your position and end of being wrong. Remember stubbornness is not a skill!

• Believe it or not, you are better off not getting your way when you are right than you are if you get your way when you are wrong. Let me explain. When you are right and you don’t get your way, you’re vindicated in the end at least to yourself if no one else.

I am not say that you should always give in to opposition. Nor am I suggesting that you should become wishy-washy and weak. What I want you to do is think very clearly about your position and weigh the consequences for being wrong or right. Sometimes the reward for being right is not worth the cost of being wrong. Look at each situation from a return on investment (ROI) perspective. The energy to prove you are right and the ROI(professionally, monetarily, and business impacts) may make the argument not worth your time. Choose wisely when and where to stand your ground.

People tend to be so invested in their opinions that they are no longer capable of unbiased analyses of the situation.

Do you ever get so excited, angry, or proud that you cannot clearly see the situation? It happens a lot to a lot of people. Don’t let it happen to you. We need to practices self awareness. I have seen this very thing happen so many times in a professional setting. An individual wants to prove they are right, even though they are wrong. They become blinded to the facts, because being right is more important. Don’t fall into this trap. Refer to item one above: you are better off not getting your way when you are right than you are if you get your way when you are wrong.

This can happen in our personal lives as well. I know I have been angry and refused to confess to my wife that I am wrong. If you do this at home with your spouse, partner, sibling, or other important person, you likely do it at work as well. Take a look at yourself and really test your motives. Be honest with yourself even if you can’t with the other person.

• Are you standing your ground because you don’t want to be wrong or because you know you are right?

While I was in the workplace (before I started my own consulting company) there was a lot of money riding on decisions. Many times I saw people stand their ground even though they were wrong. They were blind to the facts. They looked childish and ridiculous.

Do you influence with integrity or manipulate?

Do you twist the truth, put pressure on people, call in favors, or threaten (directly or indirectly) to reveal skeletons in closets in order to persuade people to follow you? This is manipulation. Manipulation may have short term gains, but in the long run you will suffer for it. Manipulation twists facts, confuses people, and diverts attention from the real issues in order to get your way. You will eventually be seen as a manipulator, or worse a shady character, or even a liar. Do not be a manipulator.

Be someone who influences with integrity. In other words, persuade people to your position with solid facts, well thought out arguments that are not smoke and mirrors, and with the desire to find and achieve the best possible solution for everyone. Look for that ‘win-win’ result where there is no loser. Be honest. Be forthright. Share the facts without hiding information, or clouding the issues. People become leaders because they are worthy of leading. That requires integrity. You may enjoy short term success with manipulation and lying, but in the end it will hamper your road to success. Strive for integrity.

As I said at the beginning, I am not trying to teach you how to get your way, I am trying to point out the pitfalls. You will go farther in life by exercising integrity and good judgment. Be known as someone who is honest and respectable. Don’t allow the rest of the world convince you that the only way to be successful is to lie, cheat, and steal your way to the top.

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Author: Jeff Harris
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