Self Awareness a 5 Step Process

What is Self Awareness?

If you really want to improve yourself then become more self aware.  We can all list areas in our lives where we can improve such as our health, relationships, spirituality, productivity… . The standard list goes on.  And, we can implement a lot of tools and techniques in our lives such as productivity tools, personality development, career development, time management, self help, etc.   These are all great, but  here is the bottom line:

Self awareness is the master key to opening the door to continual personal growth in your life.

Self awareness is the ability to honestly reflect on who and what you are.  Why do you act the way you do?  Do your actions have a positive or negative impact on others or the situation you find yourself in?

Honesty… Truly?

Did you notice I mentioned honesty above?    If you cannot be honest with yourself, about yourself, then you are just going through the motions of being self aware, while achieving nothing.  Without honesty, especially with yourself, your efforts to reach your potential will be slowed, derailed, and seem to run you into a continual stream of disappointment.

Applying Self Awareness

Through the trial and error of marriage – full of joy, fun and fulfillment – my wife Tracy and I have learned a little bit about ourselves.  Again, I said learned about ourselves.  It’s easy to think you have learned something about someone else and then use that knowledge to blame them for problems, but it’s more important to learn something about yourself and apply that knowledge.  Learning about ourselves and responding appropriately has spared us a lot of arguments.   Let me explain.

I learned that when I am really tired and irritable I have less patience.  “Hmm…,” you say.  ”Real insightful there Jeff.”  Yep, a real breakthrough for someone as dense as me, but that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Here is where self awareness comes into play.  I did not like to admit when I was tired and irritable.  I wanted to ignore these feelings and blame others for their actions that angered me, and then, because I was angry, I did not want to admit that I over reacted.  I was the one who elevated small, or sometimes non-issues ,into bigger problems.  A prime example was when my twelve year old asked me at 8:30 on a school night to drive him down to the store to get poster board for an assignment due the next morning!  Seriously!?   Self awareness, reflecting upon myself and my actions, revealed to me that I needed to deal with myself first.  Knowing that my breakthrough in self awareness would be meaningless without action, I made a conscious effort to adjust in a productive way.

A non-productive reaction would have been to address the grumpiness as the problem, by trying not to be irritable.  In case there is anyone out there who has not tried, you cannot ‘will’ yourself to not be grumpy!  Sure, I guess I could go to bed earlier, eat better, exercise more, drink more water, create a routine, or some other great self improvement method.  All great ideas, but my family could not wait six months for all my great new habits to kick in and turn me into a perpetual fount of glee (see me smile… hear me laugh… yippee).

Taking the Correct Action

“So what did you do?” you ask.  I started telling my wife and kids when I was not in a good mood.  It sounds easy, yet it was not always easy for me.  When I am in a bad mood I want to clam up, but being self aware helps me recognize the truth of what I am.  By telling my wife and kids I am in a bad mood, irritable, or extra tired they can do what a good family does.  Pick at me until I Explode!   Well, sometimes, but typically they are more tolerant of me and try to give me a little extra space.  Interestingly enough admitting I am irritable actually reduces my stress level.  Nevertheless, if my grumpiness does happen to surface they don’t take it personally, and when we take something personal the original problem is now magnified, which is a topic for another article.

5 Step Process

Write this down.  Stick it in your wallet on the back of a business card.  Do what you have to do, but consider these steps.  Here is what the self awareness process boils down to:

1.  Recognize how and when your actions, thoughts, or words have a negative impact on yourself,  those around you, or upon a situation.

2.  Honestly admit the truth – it helps to tell a spouse or someone you trust about your honest self reflection.  Sharing the insight solidifies it as a tangible object to be addressed.

3.  Analyze the information carefully and don’t jump to the first obvious solution or course of action.  In the case above I had both long term and short term adjustments.

4.  Execute the change – it’s a good idea to share your plan with that spouse or trustworthy someone from step 2.

5.  Evaluate the results – is the change having the desired results?  If not go back and start at step 1 and walk back through the steps, and ask the following questions:

• Could it be that your self awareness skills are a bit foggy and you don’t quite have a clear picture of the situation yet?  Self awareness takes practice.
• Have you have been honest with yourself about the issue?  It’s easier to lie to yourself than anyone else.
• Have you moved toward a long term solution when a short term solution should have been implemented first?
• Is the execution of your change faulty, such as you are not really applying yourself?
• Don’t forget this Overarching Principle: exercise self awareness through all 5 steps – this is important.

The process is sometimes an iterative approach.  It’s great when you get it right the first time, but you will not always solve these personal issues in one shot.  Consider these two points before you are too hard on yourself:

• You have spent your life up to now looking at everyone else searching for acceptance, love, danger, opportunities, and praise.
• It has taken you your whole life to learn some of your bad habits, personality faults, and quirky ideas.

Putting these New Self Awareness skills Into Action

Self awareness is not just about identifying areas in your life where you can improve.  It is also a tool that can be used to help provide direction.  Consider using self reflection to analyze yourself against this list:

• What makes you happy, makes you feel good, and makes you glad you are alive?
• What do you want out of life?
• What are your strengths and weaknesses?
• What motivates you, sets you into action, gets your mind racing with excitement?
• What do you want to change about yourself or about your life?
• What have you accomplished in life?
• How well do you relate and communicate with others?
• What do you need to improve about yourself?
• What are your most important beliefs and values?
• How you see yourself as a person?

At first I suggest reviewing this list weekly until your answers stop changing then put them away for a month.  Eventually an annual review is all that will be required.

Effective self awareness is applied in your life in two ways.

1. In our daily lives as a means for identifying opportunities to improve ourselves, like in the example I gave above.
2. As a method to systematically evaluate our lives by walking through the list above.

Conclusion

I have many other examples of how self awareness has changed my personal and professional life.  I could share more about how I have taken what I have learned about myself, formulated a course of action, took that action and seen great positive results.  I will likely share some of those in future articles.  Another point that I will be making soon in a follow up article is that effective self awareness often begins with external observations.

Evaluate every situation.  When an encounter with your boss , a coworker, friend, fast food clerk, or family goes astray you must self evaluate.  Remember:

• Effective self awareness is a continual way of life
• Share your self awareness observations with someone special who can validate and collaborate
• Share your success with someone special who can celebrate with you
• Always be ready to learn and adjust
• Self awareness requires practice
• Effective self awareness results in action
• Self Awareness without action is a dead end road

And always remember…

Don’t be discouraged.  Be challenged

Author: Jeff Harris

Copyright © 2010

Relative ideas coming soon:

1. Observing Others a Self Awareness Tool
2. Its not About Us – taking situations personally that are not
3. Journals are tools – how to journals effectively